Is There Such a Thing as a Healthy Mix of Idealism and Realism?

If you're a follower of my newsletter, you may have read these words already, so bear with me.

Being an erotic romance writer is hard sometimes. Yeah, it's fun, but oftentimes I question what I'm writing. Fiction is an escape, and I think that's why women like to read hot sex scenes because they can imagine themselves inside of them. Problem with this is it can make the reader start expecting "perfection" in their own lives. Now, not all written sex scenes are perfect, but most of them are or come pretty close. I've been struggling with this. I know that some people are more susceptible to the idealistic thinking and unable to separate reality from fiction, and I am sometimes one of those. I get moments when it's all too perfect and rather irritating.

I've been uninspired to write because of these thoughts. Therefore my short story took a long time in coming this time. But then some of my writer friends gave me some advice. Why don't I use how I feel in my writing? I thought of At Second Glance, my first erotic romance. That book has a lot of reality in it. Yes, it's an erotic romance, but the couple have struggled with sexual differences in the past. It even broke up their marriage. Some of the sex scenes are a bit fanciful, I must admit, although not overly so. But they also show how a bit of courage and chemistry can heal the wounds of the past. And coming to think of it, don't we all need an ideal to strive towards? Erotic romance shows us how things can be sometimes. (Okay, not all of them. I have read some that are just...well, really, do people do that in real life?) Like menage is one of them. I'm not discounting the reality of it, I've just never heard of it happening in real life. I'm sure it probably does, but it's rare. Yet, the amount of books that have it in them supersedes the reality.

But the hot writing also gives us fantasies and something to think about that may be exciting. I think women have been oppressed for so long sexually. Only in the last few decades, have they felt free to enjoy their sexuality. Erotic romance is a good part of us breaking free and having a voice. It's good for young women to see how a good sexual partner should be. Many of the books I read have heroes who are ideal. Yes, they may have some character flaws, but in bed, they're amazing. And shouldn't that be what we want to find in a man? So, I think it's good to set the bar high. But sprinkle in a bit of realism in the mix too so we, as women, are aware that we are human and also that the man is human too. To expect perfection from anyone is cruel and unromantic.

So, I aim to mix realism and a bit of idealism in my writing. And please know, that I don't speak for all erotic romance writers. I know some who have the ability to write hot and make us identify deeply with the main characters because they're real and true to life!

I would love to know what you think on this subject. If you have any advice or strong thoughts about what I've been contemplating, I'd love you to comment on my blog. Have I got it all wrong? Have I missed the boat somewhere? Do you agree with my thinking?

If you want to read my latest April calendar story, it's available on Smashwords. You can get it for free as a follower of my blog with this voucher: SS94X. My other calendar stories are also there, plus I've put my short stories on Lulu here.